Well intentioned but Oh-So-Wrong things to say to your single friends…or: “Things friends say when they mistakenly think ‘Single’ equals ‘Sad and Desperate'”

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  • “There’s someone out there for everyone. Even you.”
  • “You didn’t do anything for your birthday? That’s so sad.”
  • “Oh you’ll change your mind about wanting kids when you meet Mr. Right.”
  • “If she can meet someone then there’s hope for you too.”
  • “I have this friend – he’s unemployed and lives with his parents – but he’s really nice.”
  • “You just need someone to take care of you.”
  • “Sometimes I wish I could just sit alone on my sofa watching Seinfeld reruns in my sweats – you know, like you do.”
  • “You need to get laid.”
  • “He may be a douche, but at least he’s honest about what he wants.”
  • “It’s Friday, I knew you’d be home so I thought I’d call.”

Thanks…because I had no idea how sad and lonely my life was until you just told me. But I guess that’s probably because I’m a helpless woman who needs a man to take care of me?

I Probably Shouldn’t Quit My Job Today Because:

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  • Landlord likes getting paid…
  • So do I
  • I still don’t have a Suga-Daddy yet

On second thought, none of these reasons seem good enough. Now where’d I put that resignation letter?

What I Want to be When I Grow UP:

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  • Professional list-maker (almost there!)
  • Independently wealthy
  • Travel Blogger
  • Gypsy (prerequisite to travel blogging)
  • Book/movie/anything entertainment critic
  • Ellen’s personal Facebooker/Twitterer
  • British
  • Professional donut taster – yum!
  • International spy…Agent Steele at your service

Reasons to choose a child-free lifestyle:

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  • Pain – I don’t know if they told you, but growing and then giving birth to a person hurts. A lot.
  • Fear of needles, especially those going anywhere near your spinal cord
  • Love of sleep – cause if you have a baby don’t plan on getting any for the next 10 years at least
  • You already feel claustrophobic and find yourself daydreaming of freedoms, flexibility, and adventuring
  • You can’t even keep a plant alive
  • Kids cost mad money – and you’re already eating ramen
  • You’ve waited until the morning after you notice your pet’s food bowl was empty to go to the store for more
  • Because if you don’t become a parent, you can’t turn into your parents

Sometimes I accidentally feel like a real adult because:

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  • they let me buy booze
  • I vote for presidents (nevermind that I pay no attention to politics until the morning the polls open)
  • people send AND expect me to pay bills
  • once a year I show the IRS and state of Pennsylvania how responsible I can be by filing my taxes. On time even! (11:59pm April 14th)
  • I hold at least 1 full time job and 1 part time job at all times (who’s idea was this?!?)
  • My to-do lists include things like “make doctor appointment” and “get oil changed”
  • I cook real food…sometimes…
  • I’ve been engaged and had to plan a wedding
  • I’ve cancelled said wedding, gotten un-engaged, and found ex a new place to live all without breaking a sweat
  • researched and bought a car that isn’t being held together by duct tape – finally!
  • my friends are having babies? :/

I know I’ll never be a REAL adult because:

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  • I still want my mommy and daddy when I feel sick
  • When it comes to humor involving bodily functions, I’ve been known, on occasion, to laugh until I cry
  • I still wear hand-me-downs
  • Boys scare me…and smell… and sometimes smell scary…
  • If forced to choose between CNN and the Disney channel, I’m gonna go for Disney. Every.Freakin.Time.
  • It’s a physical impossibility for me to do more than 5 responsible things per day – and if you try to make me, I’ll likely wind up having a tantrum
  • I keep coloring books and crayons in the house just in case I get bored (sometimes I can even stay inside the lines) 😀
  • I love a good ghost story…
  • And am sometimes afraid of the dark
  • Fruit loops are now and will always be one of my favorite foods
  • I see no good reason for not owning a pony

Lisztomania

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According to Wikipedia (the most reliable source of information in the history of the world!) Lisztomania is a term that was coined to describe the intense fan frenzy of Franz Liszt back in the mid 1800’s.

This blog has absolutely nothing to do with Franz Liszt. Or the 1800’s. Or fans. No, instead this blog is to be a collection of lists. To-do lists, bucket-lists, to-don’t lists, helpful lists, less than helpful lists, lists of all shapes, sizes, and varieties but always at least mildly amusing…I think so, anyway.

That being said, let me start you off with this one –

Reasons you’ll enjoy this blog:

  • You’re a die-hard fan of lists – often making several for yourself each week
  • You have a sense of humor
  • Your internal thoughts are arranged in bullet points
  • You find yourself accidentally and unwittingly listing things in the natural course of  conversations

Reasons you won’t enjoy this blog:

  • You’re a Nazi
  • You have no sense of humor