Why I Shouldn’t Quit My Job Today (Revised):

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  • Landlord likes getting paid Moving into a friend’s spare room eliminates this
  • I like getting paid¬†I’m more than willing to do some serious down-sizing
  • Still don’t have a sugardaddy Please see above
  • If I quit today I’ll have to pay them for the PTO I used prior to earning it…yep, this is the only reason I’m still here…

True “Special Skillz” I’d like to list on my resume

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  • Creating awkward situations
  • The Art of Procrastination
  • Impulsively making life-altering decisions
  • Proper use of sarcasm and snarky quips
  • Acting tougher than I am
  • Assembling massively unfinishable to-do lists. Daily.
  • Out of the box thinking. See example: Problem? White gum on ass of black pants. Solution? Pantsless Tuesdays!
  • Dancing like Tina Fey…only BETTER
  • Giving people nicknames so incredibly unoriginal that they are in fact original
  • Adding “bitches” or some variation to the ends of sentences…biotch

 

I Probably Shouldn’t Quit My Job Today Because:

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  • Landlord likes getting paid…
  • So do I
  • I still don’t have a Suga-Daddy yet

On second thought, none of these reasons seem good enough. Now where’d I put that resignation letter?

I Should Quit My Job Today Because:

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  • Some adults act like children, and if I wanted to play referee with children I’d be a daycare teacher
  • Returning calls isn’t one of my strengths
  • Writing in purple ink is apparently frowned upon in corporate America…
  • As is sitting spinning in my swirly chair with my legs folded up underneath me
  • I always feel like I’m broke anyway
  • Hula hooping in the grass sounds like more fun than sitting in a fluorescently lit cube
  • Craving freedom and practicing conformity don’t mix – kinda like a big ol’ glass of milk followed by a big ol’ glass of vinegar, yum!
  • ¬†Working an 8 hour day for the man really limits my abilities to daydream and plan my dream life

What I Want to be When I Grow UP:

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  • Professional list-maker (almost there!)
  • Independently wealthy
  • Travel Blogger
  • Gypsy (prerequisite to travel blogging)
  • Book/movie/anything entertainment critic
  • Ellen’s personal Facebooker/Twitterer
  • British
  • Professional donut taster – yum!
  • International spy…Agent Steele at your service