I’m This Kind of Crazy:

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  • Depressed
  • Neurotic
  • Acrophobia (heights)
  • Trypanophobia (needles – naturally, I’m planning my first tattoo)
  • Social anxiety – I have friends. This is a miracle. For several reasons.
  • Hormotional Disorder – Many women are afflicted by it when they are seized by both hormones AND emotions.

Oh, and I search Ebay for unicorns dressed in authentic pirate garb…I don’t think that one has a name yet, but I’m told it’s definitely not normal.

Well intentioned but Oh-So-Wrong things to say to your single friends…or: “Things friends say when they mistakenly think ‘Single’ equals ‘Sad and Desperate'”

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  • “There’s someone out there for everyone. Even you.”
  • “You didn’t do anything for your birthday? That’s so sad.”
  • “Oh you’ll change your mind about wanting kids when you meet Mr. Right.”
  • “If she can meet someone then there’s hope for you too.”
  • “I have this friend – he’s unemployed and lives with his parents – but he’s really nice.”
  • “You just need someone to take care of you.”
  • “Sometimes I wish I could just sit alone on my sofa watching Seinfeld reruns in my sweats – you know, like you do.”
  • “You need to get laid.”
  • “He may be a douche, but at least he’s honest about what he wants.”
  • “It’s Friday, I knew you’d be home so I thought I’d call.”

Thanks…because I had no idea how sad and lonely my life was until you just told me. But I guess that’s probably because I’m a helpless woman who needs a man to take care of me?