• My good friend points out the very real fact that I’d rather not experience 98% of all emotions. “Happy” and “angry” are good enough for me!
  • I see hair growing on my big toes…so gross, so manly, and so gross.
  • A friend tries his hand at romancing me only to be met with dry wit and sarcasm (if you’re going to try flirting with me, come prepared with your own set of witty comebacks, boys, you’ll need them. And I’ll respect you for them.)
  • Dad (who is on his 3rd wife) comes to visit and upon seeing my sink overflowing with dirty dishes says, “You really are a bachelor…”
  • A guy starts telling me how he’s looking for “the one” and I immediately start looking for “the exit”
  • I find myself smelling the shirt I picked up from the floor to try to figure out if it’s clean or dirty (when in doubt, wash it out)